Parenting is tough

What kind of a parent are you?

I have no right to judge any parent because I am not one. But in my opinion, this is a question all parents should ask themselves. From what I have read “Children learn more from what you are than what you teach”. Having said this, I keep meeting lot of parents in our nurseries. Therefore, I understand the behavior, mindset, and aspirations of many parents. I have seen several kinds of parents, but I just wish to convey that nobody is perfect and if you are a parent keep learning, enjoying, and enhancing your role.

The first kind – disrespectful parents. Every year we run several holiday camps and in one of our summer camps I met this kind of parent. It was the day of the grand finale show, and the camp supervisor had prepared activity record cards for every student but had forgotten the card for one girl. So right after the program got over, the girl’s father got up and came to the stage and started shouting and rebuking at the manager. The supervisor apologized and tried to make him understand that it was a mere mistake, and not intentional. But he was resentful in front of all the other parents and children. So, my first thought was that if a parent behaves in such a manner, what are his children going to learn. Forgetting a summer camp record card is not such a big deal and we could have given it to the child later, but he made a huge scene and disrespected all the teachers before his child.

The second kind – intimidating parents. This incident is associated with one of our students who used to come for our coaching classes. The teacher went for an emergency leave for a week without informing the management and the student’s parents. But the parent got anxious and threatened us that he would complain to the authorities for cheating. The teacher later revealed that her family member had met with an accident and even completed the remaining classes. This always makes me think the background and education of such parents. Teachers do not just work for money; they deserve respect and empathy.

The third kind – self-righteous parents. One of our nursery children had delayed speech problem and we advised his parents to see a doctor. The parents were not ready to accept it and claimed that since we had been incapable of teaching their child, we were making false statements. Later when one of their family members urged them to go see a doctor, the parents realized that we were correct. Nowadays I have observed that some parents believe that they know it all, they do not want to be taught. In this approach they even start comparing their children with others. This comparison pressurizes and discourages children which the parents do not realize. In the past, members in a joint family together raised children and therefore first-time parents learnt childcare tips and tricks from experienced elders. But these days parents prefer reading parenting books, watching YouTube videos, discussing with other first-time parents for all the childcare approaches. If an experienced person tries to help, these parents feel dictated.

The fourth kind – overprotective parents. I have seen some parents who pressurize their children in studies and to participate in extracurricular activities etc. Such parents control their child’s behavior and ambitions. These parents fear from giving their children freedom. In my opinion parents should not be so strict with children because everybody needs their own space. A child should not fear talking to his/her parents.

The fifth kind – permissive parents. The main cause of spoiled children is lenient, permissive parenting. Permissive parents do not set limits and they give in to tantrums and whining. If parents give a child too much power, the child will become more self-centered. We see many such children in our nurseries; hyper-active, slow learners etc. When we spoke to some of these parents, we learned that these parents provide their children with all the possible gadgets to keep them busy. Some parents are swamped with work due to which their children spend most of the time with nannies. These parents expect the schools, teachers, nurseries, and daycare centers to mend their children because they are paying for such services. But all parents need to realize that children need love, care, and attention from their parents and not just expensive gizmos, branded clothes etc.

The sixth kind - friendly parents. A parent needs to set certain limitations and keep shifting roles during the different stages of a child’s life. So, building a bond of friendship with children makes this chore much easier. This category aptly fits my parents. My parents are my best friends. I party with them, share all my troubles and achievements with them etc. They have always supported me in all endeavors. There are times we are reluctant to speak to our parents about various things, but I cannot stay without talking to them about each and everything. There are lot of instances where I have taken many wrong decisions and had lots of fights, arguments with them but they have always been patient and taught me the difference between right and wrong. My mom is my strength and my dad is the kindest person I have known. My parents are selfless and cannot even in their dreams think of harming anybody.

In my opinion, a parent should be friendly with a little protective nature. A parent should never belittle their children by exposing his/her mistakes and never disrespect others also. Never strike a deal with your children when making them do something, nor should you threaten to punish your children. Parents set an example for their children and when a parent blackmails others, children are very quick to pick up the same habits. Always be open to advice because somebody else might have experience and solutions relevant to your problems. Parents should watch their children’s actions, but do not intrude too much in their personal space. Never pamper your children; children should be taught to be independent, rough and tough and honest. These days lot of parents present everything for their children in a silver plate, whereas children should be taught to work hard and be forgiving. Never give in to your children’s whining, let them learn from their mistakes and trust the people around you. Parents should never compare their children with others because every child is special and has his/her own strengths. I cannot even imagine how hard it could be to be a parent, but when I meet and see some parents struggling or reacting in a harsh manner it makes me realize that sometimes parents need to be educated before the children.

In the end I request all the readers to respect your parents. All our parents need is love, respect, time, and patience. And our duty towards our parents increases as they age. Children reciprocate the affection and kindness that parents give them.

Thank you for reading!